existance preceeds essence - its frightening

dawkins said:

“There is something infantile in the presumption that somebody else has a responsibility to give your life meaning and point… The truly adult view, by contrast, is that our life is as meaningful, as full and as wonderful as we choose to make it.”
― Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion

But sometimes "it" lacks meaning - sometimes a simple conversation is enough, or not enough, to put things into tailspin - but this serves as a reminder of what is truely important, and where the importance of ones place in the world, is measured, worthy and regarded.

Existentialism is a humanism, to borrow from sartre.

this, amongst more..is important

nowheresickness

im sat in the business lounge of birmingham airport, having scored an upgrade to business class for the first leg of my flight, its a great way to ease into the journey, the food is good, the beer is free - im calm.

The weather outside this window is worsening, the wind picking up, bringing with it dark grey clouds and rain, hammering into the floor to ceiling glass in front of me. im calm.

the thought of home is confronting - home...a word with which i am troubled by..

"But I'll tell you the reason you couldn't get home
Cause there's nowhere you've been and it's nowhere you're going
Home is only a feeling you get in your mind
From the people you love and you travel beside" stornoway

So, where does that leave me. Im leaving those i love, those that have seen me through the most troubled parts of my mind. Home isnt where im going, but now, it isnt where ive left, im travelling alone, today.

but i do have people i love, family, all of them, friends, all of them, here and there - but im torn, perpetually, and misunderstood, perpetually.

Im embracing it, im befriending it....which is why...im calm         whilst inside a small piece of me is racked with
                                                                                                                                 the pain of leaving, ripped apart.

 home.......?

 home........?

the longest journey begins with a bumpy 14 hours to Dubai

finally got here in one piece...finally, was all a bit of a disaster, flight circled Birmingham for an hour then got sent up to Newcastle, managed to land a 777-300 on a too short runway, that was an experience, stopped a few feet short of the grass at the end of the runway... sat on the apron for 2.5 hours before getting off with the offer of a coach back to Birmingham....Newcastle to Birmingham on a coach....in the snow...no thanks.
So i made a dash on the Newcastle metro to Newcastle central, avoided the drunks and got a train to Birmingham, arrived 14+ hours later than imagined, twas a long 48 hours of travel!