thoughts on this life

 this morning i woke up super early (to bake a cake, but thats a different story) - whilst waiting for the oven to heat up I watched a little of a short documentary  by warner Herzog, regarding the treatment of death row prisoners. Nothing to comment about that, not the purpose of this writing or the place for opinion. But the single most profound sentence uttered, was regarding the movement of the prisoners - from place to place, awaiting "the act". the prisoner is transported 41 miles through the countryside to a separate facility. It is their last glimpse of the world. And what a world it is…

By no means a comparison, but when I left home and travelled to the southern hemisphere I left behind a scenery, a world full of reminders of my past, the little cues, you take for granted, an old newsagents, with yellowing signs advertising "hovis" bread, now defunct - or a kid, outside, peeling the sticky paper from a Trebor Drumstick…these things are the signposts to your past…which i no longer have, its the single hardest thing….however…that moment, that journey captured on celluloid reminded me of a quote by Henri Matisse, i think…"leave only today the things you are happy to die having never done", I'm sure this is hugely misquoted, but the essence is right.

Most mornings i am struck by the beauty of this world i inhabit, but rarely profoundly, the sun is coming up right now, its not a special sunrise in the usual terms, its not golden, its steely and overcast, but nonetheless, its spectacular, because I'm here it witness it. and all these things, all these moments, were lucky to be present for, if we remember to be present.

The fact that one day, I'll see them all for one last time, is heartbreaking, and serves as a reminder that whist I'm not in a cage waiting for a needle, not in box having the lid nailed down…whilst I have these eyes and ears and nose and skin, i'll really look…really listen…really smell…really touch, and try to remember to take it all in.