nowheresickness

im sat in the business lounge of birmingham airport, having scored an upgrade to business class for the first leg of my flight, its a great way to ease into the journey, the food is good, the beer is free - im calm.

The weather outside this window is worsening, the wind picking up, bringing with it dark grey clouds and rain, hammering into the floor to ceiling glass in front of me. im calm.

the thought of home is confronting - home...a word with which i am troubled by..

"But I'll tell you the reason you couldn't get home
Cause there's nowhere you've been and it's nowhere you're going
Home is only a feeling you get in your mind
From the people you love and you travel beside" stornoway

So, where does that leave me. Im leaving those i love, those that have seen me through the most troubled parts of my mind. Home isnt where im going, but now, it isnt where ive left, im travelling alone, today.

but i do have people i love, family, all of them, friends, all of them, here and there - but im torn, perpetually, and misunderstood, perpetually.

Im embracing it, im befriending it....which is why...im calm         whilst inside a small piece of me is racked with
                                                                                                                                 the pain of leaving, ripped apart.

 home.......?

 home........?